HOLIDAY STRESS: HOW TO COPE WITH TOXIC PEOPLE
The holiday season is portrayed as a time full of celebrations and togetherness, happiness and joy. But gathering and celebrating can take a mental toll, especially in situations where relationships are tense or strained.
We can always decide who we allow close to us, but it is not always that easy to cut out toxic people from other parts of our lives. They might be colleagues, bosses, in-laws, stepfamily members, family, co-parents … and the list goes on. We live our lives in groups and unless we’re willing to go it alone – work alone, live alone, be alone – we are going to cross paths with those we would rather cross off the guest list.
A study by The American Psychological Association on holiday stress found that 38 percent of Americans feel an increase in stress during the season, with leading stressors that include difficult family relationships, gift-giving pressure, and maintaining work responsibilities. And a survey conducted by Healthline found that 62 percent of respondents described their holiday stress levels as “very or somewhat” high and only 10 percent said they had no related holiday stress. The stressors included managing difficult family dynamics, finances, and finding enough time for everything.
TIPS ON DEALING WITH TOXIC PEOPLE DURING THE HOLIDAYS
Watch for overwhelm. If any situation starts to feel overwhelming, escape for even a few minutes to regroup. Volunteer to walk to dog, watch the kids play outside or even just head to the bathroom for a few minutes of solitude. Most often people regret the actions or things said when we are upset. If you are feeling overwhelmed or tense, find way to step away from the situation for a moment and collect yourself.
Set time boundaries. Reach out ahead of time to family members, co-workers, and party hosts with an email or text and let people know beforehand that you will be leaving at a certain time, then bow out gracefully. Do not linger in a situation where you feel stressed. Managing the expectations and setting boundaries before holiday gatherings is often enough to make it through them with less stress and little drama.
Create a solid support system. If you are around toxic people, use the support and strength of good-hearted people who want to know you for the person you are. Surrounding yourself with people that really care about you and don’t want to see you hurt goes a long way to diluting negativity in toxic workplaces, families, neighborhoods, etc. These friends and supporters act as a buffer between you and those that want to pull you in and control you. They will also function as a reasonable sounding board in case there is any doubt about what you are experiencing.
Limit contact and walk away from a stressful situation. Although you may not be able to totally avoid contact, you can find ways to surround yourself with people you do get along with to insulate yourself from toxic individuals. It is important to not play into any interaction, especially when it is provocative and argumentative. Be mindful and responsible not to engage when someone is saying and doing outrageous things. Do not allow yourself to be cornered alone in a room. Walk away from anything that causes discomfort.
Limit the use of alcohol. Many individuals feel that if they have a cocktail, it will help manage toxic situations. The reality is that alcohol will likely make a toxic situation even more toxic. Alcohol reduces inhibitions, weakens our ability to filter, and we are less likely to make intelligent, logical decisions.
Cut off all contact. When all else fails, when you have gone as far as you can go, when no different outcome (or a worse outcome) is expected, it is time to cut all ties with the toxic individual. When you have done all you can and things stay the same, you will know you tried whatever is possible. No guilt, no remorse, no shame. The final and only solution is to preserve your own integrity and health and let your relationship with the toxic person go.
Recognize that you can’t control other people. You cannot change someone else’s behaviors, but you are responsible for your own happiness. It is your job to eliminate those toxic relationships around you that do not contribute to this happiness.
Recite this intention the week before a holiday gathering to help quell any anxiety, “I surround myself with loving and supportive people who bring out the best in me.” Utilize the tips above to empower you with tools to help you enjoy holiday functions on your own terms.
