by Jeanne and John Adams
www.InnerConnectionsYoga.com
A TRIBUTE TO A MOTHER (AND FATHER)
For many years now and often on my birthday, I tell my mother that I am grateful to her and thank her for giving me life. Without her willingness to have children (five), I would not be here. And with all the agony and ecstasy of living a life, I understand that life is a true gift. I honor you, Mom!
I also honor the women who have never had children. I have never been pregnant, but I feel blessed with a wonderful young man in my life with whom I am a stepmother and who is a light in this world. And now he has a son and there are three bright lights in my life (husband, son, grandson).
It is why I was a high school teacher for many of my early years – to be around young people and help them grow into well-rounded human beings. I understood the importance of adults mentoring in children’s lives to help them know they matter – and I wanted to pass it on. I had many supportive mothers in my life: my friends’ mothers and my mother’s friends, neighbors, and my friends – so many to whom I am grateful – who mentored me while they had their children to raise. Thank you! Mothers made a difference in my life.
I honor the women who decided not to give birth, to know that a baby is not part of their path, now or ever. I know women who decided not to have a baby - because of rape, date rape, abuse, timing, preparedness, career path, failed birth control - for whatever reason that mattered to them. It was not my place to judge, only to support. Some of them have gone on to have beautiful families and others have found ways to nurture children in other ways.
I have a friend from college who is a lesbian. She is a wonderful human being and someone I have admired most of my life. At a time in her life when she did not have a partner, she made the courageous choice to have a baby on her own. She went to a sperm bank, picked the profile of the genetic makeup she wanted, and proceeded to have twins whom she raised with honesty, integrity, and freedom. They are now getting ready to go off to college and she has lived her life to make a great life for them. That is a good mother!
I have a friend whose wife walked out on him years ago. She said she did not want to be a mother. So, he served his children as both mother and father. As he raised his children alone, he met another woman who was willing to step in and co-parent with him. He and she are great mothers!
I learned this acceptance from my mother. And for that matter, my father, too. To have parents who demonstrate morality through living it, are courageous in their choices and how they live, and support each other and us whenever and however we needed it TO THE BEST OF THEIR ABILITY AT THE TIME IT WAS NEEDED, we all turned out well. A Chemical Engineer, an Optometrist in the military, an aide to older adults for 20+ years, an educator and entrepreneur, and a professional welder - we all are alive, well, and happy thanks to our mother (and father).
Was she perfect? Was he perfect? Was I perfect? Of course not. But what my parents modeled for me was to be a critical thinker, to listen with an open mind, to make my own decisions and be able to live with the outcomes, to respect the decisions of others, and more importantly, to pick my path in this world and live it passionately, compassionately, courageously, and honestly.
Mothers come in all shapes, sizes, and genders. There may be days when they are less than perfect, but would we want it any other way? They are us, and we are them. We are all one – one big, messy, lovely shared genetic pool of people who should be kind, compassionate, and loving toward each other – to see unity and not separateness – and then life becomes expansive, open, and shared.
My mother taught me that.